I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
