You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
