My sheets look like a crime scene.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
