Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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