no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
