Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
