i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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