Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
