i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
