Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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