Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
