do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
