My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
