STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
