My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
