I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm like, not good at living.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
