Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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