and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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