Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
