Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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