one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
