you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
