lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
