Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my liver is dry heaving
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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