Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
