Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
