I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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