oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
