Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
