i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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