I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
