I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
