a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
