A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
