I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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