you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
