The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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