If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
