Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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