I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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