My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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