And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
