yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
