i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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