I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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