Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
