dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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