True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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