We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
