he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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