I just pynch a tree in the face
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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